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What the hell does that actually mean?!

Dating looks a whole heck of a lot different in my eyes than it used to. Maybe its because I’ll be hitting 27 this year, or maybe I’m just tired of the BS.

Trusty Wikipedia defines it as “Dating is a part of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country and over time. The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual relations.”

I take that term ‘couple’ to mean two people, but this day and age, that’s not always the case. You may be one half of a couple, but they may be one half of multiple couples. Exclusivity has to be defined, why is that such a difficult conversation? Why not say what we want? We fear moving too fast, pushing the other away. In all honesty, just let me see what life would be like together, seriously, 100% all-in. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work and you narrow down what exactly you want.

I’m a wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve personality at my core. The mirage in person is that I am cold, shut off, or even guarded when it comes to relationships. Which is why I have trouble trusting a person with my heart because you never really know their intentions. This is highlighted when I don’t know where I stand. Is this person I’m interested in able to make a decision? Do they have their shit together enough to be an adult? What does that look like?

This is also in relation to my Type A personality and my need to be in constant control. I know that. And while online dating makes it more convenient to “meet people” (from the comfort of your own home, clad in sweatpants, trying 3 different bottles of wine) it is not always at the same level.

If I’m asking myself “would they choose me?” Have I already lost?

I don’t want to compete for love, I will fight for it with all my heart, but not compete. I give my full time and attention to the person I’m with and expect the same in return. Whether that be right next to them, in the same city, or hours away.

I hate having the thought of “are they talking to someone else while I’m right next to them?” Not completely fair in my eyes, but different people have different opinions. One of the downfalls of our generation and its addiction to the internet. We are used to instant gratification, immediate feedback and answers at our fingertips. The thought of “What else is out there? Am I missing out? What if there’s something better?” instead of focusing on the life in front of us.

Its about people. People grabbing the life in front of them and making it what they want, not searching for someone to hand it to them.

Life is not easy, its a whole lot harder to navigate alone. More so, to navigate alone with the plethora of information bombarding our systems each morning.

I’m not afraid to fall in love, I am able to pick up the broken pieces and continue forward when it crashes and burns. I am scared as hell to put that opportunity into someone else’s hands when their hands are already shaky.

In my life, I need consistency and support. My schedule changes in an instant but I am committed.

Go big or go home, that’s our family motto. If you don’t put your whole heart into something, who are you really hurting in the end? How long do you keep up the facade?

“Happiness is only real when shared” -Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild.

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